My mind is my worse enemy

I have for a very long time developed a proven record of being positive and mindful. Yet, recently I found myself almost sunken right back into a depressive state of mind. (I suffered from depression for a while and finally broke free in 2015 after having therapy on the NHS). I quit my internship three days early and quickly packed a small suitcase with a week’s supply of clothes and ran for my life to a dear friend of mine who lives in the country.¬† Mind had turned on me and I didn’t know what to do about it.

I felt as if I was going under and needed someone to take care of me. Well, my friend did take care of me, even though she herself has been going through some tough times. She placed her dilemma on hold for a couple of days and just allowed me to wallow in self pity for a short while. My head pained from over think and over analysis of my own problems.

I then started to refocus my energy day by day, moment by moment and the headache that had plagued me for days left. My mind felt a little bit clearer amd my thoughts were once again calmed. I have now decided to work on my thought process, read some books that I know that will help my life and set some goals with clear visions ahead. The feeling I had was very scary and took me out of my comfort zone and into a dark place I never want to return. I have now realised why it happened to me.

1. My work life was active but my mind was passive. What I mean by this is I had become complacent about my goals and life ambitions. I stopped taking time to nuture the creative side of my being.

2. I stopped exercising. It is proven that exercising helps to release endomorphins or happy hormones.

3. I have started to isolate myself. I have a healthy spiritual life, I go to church regularly and I go home. In-between that was work and nothing more. Yes, I had my friends and my sisters but life gets busy and you don’t see people often.

I have now decided that I needed to ensure that I took care of me. I hope this is the beginning of a new mindset, a new whole new me. I have started to exercise again including riding a bike which I have not done since 2011. It feels exhilarating and this Summer I am ensure I set the tone towards a beautiful change process for myself. I hope to take my friend along for the ride. I hope she is ready ūüôā

Please, if you feel or have depressive thoughts don’t let it take over, seek some assistance. There is no shame in it. Mental health is a serious thing and I hope this helps some one somehow.

‘Graduation Reflection’ – My own pep talk

I decided that I would search for my graduation ceremony on youtube this evening. I was glad I did because it reminded me that my degree was not in vain. This past week has been both exhausting and eye-opening at the same time. I realised that in the workplace its ‘dog eat dog’ ‘swim¬†or sink’, which to be honest is both scary and a lesson to learn simultaneously. The support for new staff is there but can be limited. I have found this in every organisation. The video reminded me of that feeling I had like I had won at life and the cruel joke it can play sometimes. It reminded to be strong, be resilient, be focused, determined and forward thinking. Yes, I know there are challenges everywhere, certainly, however, it is the drive that will get me through the atmosphere.

I believe that my past jobs have equipped me with such skills that cannot be learned normally. I learned to be tough emotionally and mentally. I know that any fear I feel is small because I pray to be fearless every day. I am glad I watched that video. It reminded me that it is not where I am now, it is where I will be. It is not what happened yesterday but what happens now for tomorrow. I am determined that neither¬†man nor foe will deter me from reaching my God-given potential. I have more in me……watch me roar!!!

I have risen up like the phoenix from the ashes when I thought that all were lost, and I will continue to rise above. I have changed my mindset and it will continue to evolve, to grow, to become more than what society or any stereotypical ideas that were placed about me. I am more than!

Summer is Here

Recently the UK has been experiencing a heat wave and the most glorious sunshine you can think of. This is uncommon for us here especially for weeks on end. I love it! I did, however, sit in it for hours while at work. I work as a teaching intern and we had to be outside in direct sunlight for two days. This was without any sunscreen, only face cream with an SPF of 20. I have now suffered sun damage to my skin and have developed heat rash all over my face.

We have a thought that because we are of a darker skin type we cannot burn or have sun damage. It may take longer than someone with a fairer skin complexion but it can certainly happen. The rejuvenation process has now begun. I have been using cucumber slices and aloe vera gel to rub on my face so that I can perhaps recover my skin texture.

I, therefore, urge us all to be careful. The sun is welcomed and beautiful but also damaging and dangerous.

Happy Summer everyone! I do wish I was going to Jamaica for my Summer vacation- I miss the mangoes, the naseberries, the sweetsops, so many delicacies¬†and tropical exotic fruits…YUM YUM!!!

God’s Plan not Mine

Exodus 14:14 ‘The Lord will fight for you, and you just stay calm.’

In my prayers lately, I would pray and ask for guidance from God, His way,¬†not mine. I would ask Him to show me what are His plans for me because it seems that no matter how hard I try I couldn’t get what I wanted. I believed that I wanted to use up my degree which I spent 3 years working very hard for in the HR sector. Now, it’s not that I won’t be using it, I will be using it in a different way. I will be using it in teaching – Business Studies. I will be working as a teaching intern even though¬†I trained years ago as a teacher in Jamaica. This way I can earn and learn!!

I decided to just allow God to work in my life the way he wants instead of me pushing and going against¬†His will, which never works out. Is teaching my calling? I am not certain, however, I can tell you that this is the first time in many years that I feel like I could teach. All those years I tried by myself and it didn’t work out, I allowed God to take control and yes here we go!!

My level of belief has been reborn!!! I read the books of the old testament and quarrel with the children of Isreal about their¬†stubbornness, what a hypocrite!! I was as stubborn as a mule and decided to live my life my way. Did it work? No! I have learned my lesson. God use me – that’s¬†my¬†prayer.

I will need Him more now than ever and I am ever reliant on His guidance and on His mercies.

Our Personal S.W.O.T

S=Strength

W=Weakness

O=Opportunity

T=Threat

Do we stop and assess our SWOT? I know that we are not marketing products, however, we are marketing personas. We market ourselves daily to the world, what are you marketing? what am I marketing? Do we look at our strengths, weakness, etc and see how these can actually help us to become better? Do we assess our opportunities and weaknesses and realise that we can use both to become our best selves?

I have come to realise that I need to do a swot!! I need to do an overhaul of who I am and my whole life. I am talking my health, wealth, focus, drive, stewardship, mind & body, family, friends,¬†and strangers. It is a lot, but is it really? Of course, not all things will be done at once, however, small actions can produce big results. I have come to realise recently that my weight gain is more than me being greedy, it has to do with compensating for something else, and it is with this realisation that I have decided to put a stop to it and challenge myself. Stop looking at work out photos and videos and go ‘I want to do that’ when in fact I can just ‘do that’.

There is a missing part to my puzzle (my life) but I will not allow it to take away from me, for now, I will refocus my energy and use that missing piece of the puzzle to push me harder!!!

I know my SWOT and I will use it to my advantage, won’t you?

Time

How much time do we have?  

Where has the time gone?

Look at the time!

Give me more time!

Stop wasting my time!

These are just some of the expressions we hear made about time everyday. This to me means time is precious, there is no time to waste on foolish things. In the past I would sit and be overcome by my problems, my issues in life and hours would pass by with me mourning about what had just happened. I had to learn to pray and ask God to abide in my mind so that I wouldn’t allow the enemy to steal my time and use it against me.

I learnt that trials will come, I will have problems that I won’t be able to solve on my own, but if I gave them to the Father in heaven and believe when I pray then I will be comforted. I would be given strength to deal with these issues. With everything happening in the world people are filled with doubts, there is a higher power than us at work and the Bible has to be fulfilled. Whether we believe or not time is rushing on.

Don’t waste it on foolish things, instead see where you can use it to glorify God and ask for his guidance, his wisdom and His understanding, never doubting when you ask and He will grant it to you.

We all need more time, however, we are given 24hrs in a day, how it is used is up to us, I say use it wisely!

Inspiration

Have you been inspired lately?

Inspirations are around us constantly, if we look. It may be in the speeches we hear, the songs we listen to, prayer, our friends, other folks, whatever. Inspiration to me is everywhere. I look at my friends and how they manage their lives, the struggles they go through and I am inspired. I am inspired because of my sisters who are parents, how they parent their child/ren, run their businesses, deal with their jobs and the daily issues that life throws at them.

I am also inspired by my 2 best friends and my ‘cosfriend’ (cousin and friend all wrapped up in one). I look at their lives and listen to how they get on each day, how they deal with disappointment, illness, death, all the¬†stuff life throws at them. I see their strength that shines through and that is motivation for me.

The greatest inspiration though is my mother. Her struggles, her enthusiasm for life, her infectious laughter, strength, and ability to encapsulate and embody all her years of experience, knowledge, and truth inspires me daily.

Please find some inspiration today!! England is bathing in sunlight, sunshine and warm at this present moment, be inspired!!

 

Being Grateful In spite Of!!

I have not written for a very long time, purely because I just didn’t feel like it. I was taking time away from everything to¬†figure out my spiritual life, maintain a positive mindset and live my life in spite of the struggles. You see, it has a been a very rough five to six months financially. I know almost everyone goes through drought seasons and I am going through mine. However, I know that my God will pull me from the bottom of the well and plant me by the waters so that my roots will spread and grow. For now, I am being contented with my dry season and working whilst having faith that all my needs will be supplied. The dry season is about to be over!! I declare it so and speak and think it so.

One thing I know for sure is that I cannot fret nor worry because I have prayed to have a peaceful mind, a mind that is always joyful no matter what-let me tell you, be careful what you pray for. Since I have been blessed with a peaceful and joyful mind, I cannot worry! I have now turned my prayer onto my financial situation and I know that God will wipe away the dry season and replace it with fruitfulness, abundance, wealth! He knows that it is not just for me that He is doing this for but that when my cup is full there are many beneficiaries outside of my family.

I will really try to write more content from now on and hope that readers will find what I am saying helpful in some way shape or form.

Have a great weekend!

Starting Over

I believe that I have started over some aspect of my life, however, certain segments or sections still needs a do-over. Am I too old for such a belief? I have started worshipping on a different day now, I have let go of most aspects of my secular life, even though¬†I have been a part of the church¬†for 17yrs. I have since learned that I want to worship on a different day and based on convictions I changed. There is a still a nagging past life that must be brought to a close. I was married and my husband and I are separated and we are not planning to reunite. It took me many years to overcome the hurt and disappointment of such a decision that was made, and I now believe it’s high time we close the book on that relationship.

I have not moved on to another relationship due to the fact that there is some lingering happening. With that said I want to start over and build a new life with someone else. Someone who is God-fearing, gentle and kind, funny, helpful, a good provider and a good communicator. Someone that I can pray with, eat and laugh with and even share my dreams and aspirations with and vice versa. I am a young woman and I believe its time! Time to let go completely, close this chapter, seal the book and throw it into the sea.

The Desire to be Successful

Have you ever had that overwhelming desire to become more than you are? That feeling that greatness is on the horizon and only a stone’s throw away? Keep pushing, keeping trying because you might be in reach and you gave up! It’s also important never to look at what others have and want it, dig in your own section, develop you, work on you. Don’t give up where you are and search in another person’s area so to¬†speak for the same reward, continue on your path.

It’s never easy to acknowledge¬†that we are vulnerable but we are, therefore finding faith in something greater than us helps us to keep fighting and believing. The fact that we push to exceed our limits and grow constantly is a sign that there is greatness in us and that we have to constantly push for it.

Being great demands hard work, perseverance, resilience, being uncomfortable and having determination. It requires something outside of the norm that only you can bring – (yourself). Pushing past the pain and struggles to continue on that path of excellence takes something special deep within, therefore continue to strive, continue to push, continue to grow and develop. A lobster continues to grow but in order for it to do that it has to shed the old shell, the effort brings discomfort but it also brings change. The change that comes is a new bigger shell, one that fits its growing size and development.

So why do I continue to push for greatness? Why do I even bother when everything seems to be going against¬†me? I continue because I have been through worse, I continue because there is greatness in me and I deserve excellence. I continue¬†because I have faith and I believe God’s greatness dwells in me. I deserve that great salary, that great promotion, the experiences that will propel me further. I DESERVE IT! I wasn’t made to be inferior or even have its complex, so that’s why I push for greatness.

It may sound as if I am ‘full of myself’ but no I am full of God’s greatness, His love and Holy Spirit, therefore I am confident that God is saying continue to push in spite¬†of everything else.¬† Remember Joseph and all he went through? Well, God’s favour was on him and no matter what misfortune happened to him, he continued in excellence! I am also a child of God, therefore I am confident in His desire for me to be excellent, to become more, to succeed and bless others. I will then continue to push and push, my reward? (salary, benefits package, holidays, etc) is right around the corner.